How I Love Gabrielle Evans...Let me Count the Ways

Aaaaannd I just ran out of fingers and toes. Damn, I can’t count any higher than that without more coffee. So, let’s just say I love her lots. People might think me crazy (the smart ones do) but I do believe in soul-mates, but not just in the usual sense. Yes, there is romantically, I write about that often. I also feel in my heart there are people out there who your soul recognizes for whatever reason. Gabrielle is one of mine. Call her my kindred spirit if soul-mate is too weird for y’all. I just can’t think of another way to put it without sounding like I’m 12 and she’s my bestest, best friend, and we were instant pals.

Because it’s so much more than that. She’s my person. 95% of the time, good or bad news, she is the person I turn to. And there are reasons for that, which makes me love her.

She keeps her mouth shut. I know I can say anything and it goes into that vault. I never have to worry she’ll tell my secrets or call the men in white coats to put me in the padded room. (Granted, it might make her a little nutty to not have made that call yet, but I appreciate the loyalty.)

Ever have that friend when you call to talk and the conversation always turns into all about them? Gabrielle is so not like that. Hell, we switch days. If one of us is having a shit time, we call the other and go, “okay, my day to bitch. You have to be the sane one.”

She yells at me if I use my filter. “Real friends don’t filter with each other.” Because while I have no problem cussing, when I’m really pissed, every other word can end up being fuck and well, I feel bad sometimes that her ear will get tired of my potty mouth one day and leave her. But she always threatens to beat me if I hold back. That’s a true friend, her ears be damned.

Gabrielle is always on my side. It doesn’t matter if I’m 100% wrong and fucked something up, she’s amazing enough to know that hind sight is 20/20 and I don’t have a crystal ball to pull out of my assets before I make decisions. She lets me get it all out, remains calm, and when I’m done, simply goes, “Okay, how do we fix this?” Which as a single woman, kinda on her own island since I work from home, and am self-employed, I don’t get a lot of. I can’t turn to my imaginary hubby and whine until he fixes something. And Marius can’t be trained to handle certain things (no matter how hard I’ve tried).

She never, ever judges. I called her after my first time working out at Ft. Carson Army base and told her there were so many yummy men to look at I just wanted to offer myself up with a bow and let them use me as they see fit. Most people would have had some choice names for that, but not Gabrielle! She just asked me if I needed ribbon and had condoms.

Being an author comes with demons and shit we never could have known about or understood until we were one. My ma & friends don’t get what I go through. Sure, they can know I’m upset but until you’re in it, it’s just not possible. It’s not just a job to us. It’s part of us. My characters are almost like pets to me. I love them. And each and every one of them is partially like me, some trait, characteristic, or flaw I have. So, when people rip into a character I’ve written, and they’re picking on that part, yeah, it’s really fucking personal. And that’s hard to explain, again, unless you’re an author. Without her talking me off the bridge sometimes I swear I would have just chewed people out, looking like a total psycho sometimes until I didn’t have any fans left or just quit. The elves never would have gotten finished without her, that’s for damn sure.

Gabrielle gets me. Mostly my sense of humor. No matter what I post, no matter how many people I warn I’m twisted and blunt… I always end up offending someone. And I was raised that it’s bad to offend people. So sometimes, if I’m not sure I’m going too far, I send it to her. She has yet to say that I’m off my fucking rocker. Well, she has, but she means it as a compliment and reminds me I can’t worry about that one person who’s sensitive or will mistake my meaning when the majority will take what I say as intended. A playful rant normally. But given the genre we write in… Isn’t the whole point to push farther than most? She gets that and nourishes that quality in me where most would like to squash it.

She gives the best presents. And I’m not talking just like Christmas, or my birthday. Sometimes you just need a pick me up and after some particularly fucked up or difficult weeks, I end up getting something in the mail or delivered. I think my favorite was the 4ft Amazonian rose because she said I was hard core Amazon Super Woman and I could get over whatever I was going through. Granted, I’ve sent her some fun stuff too, but we thrive on gag gifts here and there. You really have to know someone well and pay attention to who they are to give great gag gifts.

She’s offered me her husband. There have been a few times when I’ve been all grumbly about how long it’s been since I’ve had time to go out and date, and that also means no sex. But also when there are certain things that ya just want a man around the house to do. (I don’t fucking change furnace filters and don’t ask me how the damn sprinkler system works. I don’t care. I don’t want to know, and I ain’t taking the time to learn about it). One particular time I was whining about wanting some stress relief and a workout that required no clothes and she just goes, “yeah, hubby’s been horny too. Want me to fly him out to you?”

Yes-she was TOTALLY FUCKING JOKING, but there’s nothing like a crazy ass comment when you’re in a rant that makes you pause, have a WTF moment, and then burst out laughing until you think you might pee yourself.

Gabrielle’s never fake. I never have to wonder if she’s being honest with me or being that friend who tells you that you look great because she doesn’t have the heart to say you look like shit. She won’t ever blow smoke up my ass or say, “that book was awesome.” When she’s thinking, fuck that sucked. She means what she says and knows that I value honestly… but she’s never brutal or rude. Even bad news or criticism can be said nicely.

She’s adaptable and easy going. I’m not good with people. It’s why I don’t work in corporate America anymore and most people annoy me (not that it’s always there fault but when god handed out patience I didn’t get shit). So New Orleans was hard for me, especially being somewhere as Joyee for the first time. And I’m not big into touching strangers. There were several times random strangers squealed, hugged me, and were rambling on. (I appreciate enthusiasm, and I’m not picking on anyone, it’s my issue). But I started to like hyperventilate. She’d see that, introduce herself, take the pressure off me while handing me a drink. (I relax significantly after a few).

She gives as good as she gets. We’re authors. It’s not fucking data entry or something you can just do no matter what mood you’re in. There are times when our characters or stories don’t go as planned. If she calls I drop what I’m doing to help. But the truly startling thing for me is she’s the type of friend who does the same. Too many people in life take and take but don’t return the favor. I know I can call her and go, “I’m fucking stuck.” And she will tell me to send her what I have, immediately reads and calls me when she’s done so we can plot. Given what we do, there isn’t always time to put things on hold for a while or keep things percolating in our heads. That would drive me even more insane so yeah, being able to talk it out with someone who’s on the same page as you and respects how you do things, is something that I’m grateful for that’s hard to even put into words.

Gabrielle appreciates my brand of friendship. My friends are my family I choose and I don’t put up with people fucking with them… I’m just a little over the top with it sometimes. There was some douche the first night we went out in New Orleans. Granted, he was young and drunk, but he said some shit to her that was totally uncalled for. Well, I was sober and I grabbed the kid none-too-gently and threatened to force feed him his sac if he even breathed in her direction again. Most people, that would scare them. She hugged me and bought me a drink.

All and all I feel she’s one of those rare gems of a person that truly has a big heart, a good head on her shoulders, and really cares about the people in her life. I’m honored to call her my friend… And it doesn’t hurt that I think she’s a kick ass author who I drop everything for when she sends me a new book!!

Love you, Gabs

-Joyee

(and the feeling is 100% mutual. Love you tons, lady! -- Gabrielle)

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