Opening Lines

Put your hands together for the lovely Ms Devon Rhodes!!

Thanks, Gabrielle, for having me on today! I can’t wait to give away a book and share a naughty excerpt (complete with man in…and partially out of…uniform). But first I wanted to take a look at opening lines…the pick-up line between an author and their reader. What can I say that will make you want to hop into bed with…my book? J

What Do You Say With the First Line of Your Book?

I did a great meme last year that really made me think about my writing. The gist of it was to list the first lines of your books and draw some conclusions.

I think most writers really try to draw the reader in with the first line, and in my case, many times the first line has come to me and I then go write a story around it. :) With most of mine, I seem to try to give you a sense of the character right off the bat and what they're doing/feeling. Here they are (in a couple instances I added the second line if the first was a thought or dialogue that didn't let you know who the speaker was):

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There must be an easier way. Valerian grimaced as he retracted his fangs, sealed the punctures with a flick of his tongue, and let his inebriated, middle-aged snack slide down the wall to rest in a heap at his feet. ~A Pint Light

“What?” Luke shouted incredulously, grabbing Mario by the upper arms with no little force. ~Rough Riders

“This is going to be so cool!” Cameron exclaimed, his jaw slack with shock, eyes sparkling with surprise and growing excitement as he regarded his best friend’s smug face. ~A Detour Home

“This one really has nice kerb appeal. Beautiful landscaping, and it looks like the owner really enjoys gardening. Let’s see here.” The garish, loud real estate agent consulted the sheet on her clipboard as she minced her way up the front walkway. ~Through The Red Door

“Ohhh.” Tori couldn’t stifle a moan as the almost-pain of exerting muscles that seldom got use kicked in. ~Sex On Summer Sabbatical

A cool waft of air on her shower-warm skin was the only warning Erica received before large hands cupped her bare shoulders. ~Falling For the Other Brother

Loving the crisp, autumn smell of a distant leaf pile burning, Vance inhaled deeply, relishing the cool air carrying the scents of fall. ~Pride and Joey

Rhea leaned her forehead against the inner hatch door after she secured it against the coming MetaWave storm. ~Wet Your Whistle

God, I hate Muzak. Maggie switched her cell phone to the other ear and pushed her fingers through her dark, irritatingly frizzed-out hair, automatically loosening yet another snag. ~Winter's Thaw

GEOFFREY Radcliffe stared intently into the mirror, grimacing at the reflection, then wincing as the grimace accentuated his laugh lines. ~Silver and Gold

"I don’t know how you talked me into this,” Rory grumbled as Benny made wide, innocent eyes at him from the passenger’s seat of the SUV. ~One Wild Wish

“I threw up.” The quavering voice brought Corbin jackknifing up out of a sound sleep, struggling to get his bearings. ~Making His List

JASON surfaced from sleep gradually as usual, barely slitting his eyes open to ascertain that it was still just after dawn in the lengthening days of spring. ~Neighbors By Day, Naughty By Night

IT was after midnight, and Chaz Warren groaned with frustration as he removed his hand from his cock and gave up his fruitless quest for orgasm… yet again. ~Remarkable Restraint

Jim stopped short at the threshold of his boss’s office, his heart seizing with dread at the sight before him. ~The Swap

“Heads up, it’s a bunt! He’s putting it down!” Teri screamed, cupping her hands around her mouth. ~Spring Training

This is probably the worst idea I've ever had.

"You know, I think this is the worst idea you've ever had." ~Stranger In Black



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So what do you think? I see a trend. I've heard you aren't supposed to open with monologue/dialogue, but I tend to do that, right? I think it gives a sense of immediacy and is intended to pull the reader in right away.

Here are some I’ve written since then:

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The view beyond the window, beyond the spindled railing around the wraparound porch, was right off a Currier and Ives print. ~Let It Snow

IT WAS the fourth day of having his bandmate, Rory, as his pretend “boyfriend,” and Benny had to admit it was going better than he’d hoped. ~One More Wish

Cary felt a trickle of sweat rolling down the centre of his back as he and his uniformed classmates baked on the unseasonably warm day. ~A Ring and A Promise

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Though I’m not sure it’s from the meme, I can see a bit of a change in style. Do you guys agree?

Any thoughts on what sort of start you prefer or what might put you off from the get-go? Authors out there, I'd love to see some of yours as well if you care to share!

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Speaking of sharing…I’d love to share a copy of my latest release with someone here! The His Hero Anthology released last week and contains my story, A Ring and A Promise. Here is the blurb and a NSFW excerpt:

A Ring and A Promise

Careers in military service are never easy on relationships—even less so when both lovers are in different branches…and both are men.

Naval Academy graduation now under their belts, Cary Barrientos knows the reality of the upcoming separation from his roommate of the past four years. Owen is more to him than just his best friend—he is the one person Cary can see spending his life with.

Owen Marsh knew that when he became Cary’s lover, the day would come when he would have to walk away. Now that day has come, and he’s having a hard time convincing himself that it’s just sex between them. Even with DADT repealed, there is no way a Marine and a Navy flier can be together. He’s just being realistic not expecting more.

When Cary switches their Academy rings, hoping Owen won’t notice, he makes a vow—he will do whatever he has to do, including believing enough for the both of them, to make their unlikely relationship stand the test of time. But when his Marine is called up for duty overseas, can a piece of jewellery and a promise be enough to get them through?

Adult Excerpt:

He slid his hands along the sleeves of Cary’s uniform jacket down to his the cuffs then grasped his hands while he continued the heartfelt kiss. God, he loved the way Cary looked in his dress uniform. He wore it well, as though he’d been born to wear it. It was bordering on a fetish for him, and had made it damned uncomfortable this past week when they’d worn their dress uniforms for so many Commissioning Week occasions. But right now their privacy was guaranteed, and Owen wanted to indulge in a bit of fun while Cary was still so sexily attired.

It was too bad that Cary was without his hat. They’d both had fun adhering to tradition before the ceremony and had tucked an envelope with some money and a letter of advice inside both of their caps for some lucky kid to claim. Maybe they’d hear from them someday.

Cary gave him an enquiring look before tossing the bag to the ground in the direction of the dresser. When he turned back, he grinned and lowered his gaze to the front of Owen’s khakis. Cary pursed his lips briefly before giving his lower lip a quick swipe of his tongue.

Hat or not, Cary was absolutely the sexiest man he’d ever seen.

Maybe he’d fuck Cary with his new officer’s cap on someday.

Groaning, both at the mental image and the sure knowledge that that day would be far in the future—if at all—he took Cary by the biceps and firmly placed him against the wall with one last hard kiss, then knelt before him.

“Owen…”

“Mmm…” He slid the belt latch and undid the buckle, pulling the end out of the clasp. Then he unhooked and unzipped the fly. He bracketed Cary’s hips with his hands and glanced up. Cary’s blue eyes were wide and a bit wild. Holding his gaze, Owen leant forward and mouthed his hard cock, faithfully outlined by the white cotton. Cary’s lids slid closed and Owen took that as the invitation it was.

Without lowering the trousers past Cary’s hips, he pulled the tighty whities down just enough to expose Cary’s erection. After a moment’s thought, he did a bit of manoeuvring and was able to lift Cary’s balls up over the wide elastic band before letting it gently retract against his skin once again.
He stood and backed far enough away to get a good look. From the waist up, his lover was still attired according to regulation—minus the cap. Pretty much regulation, anyway, considering he was wearing his now-defunct midshipman’s uniform instead of one for the officer he now was. Still…he was all nicely turned out on the top half.

But below the belt…

Owen caught his breath at the vision of decadence that was his handiwork. Cary’s hard and reddened cock and his balls sac were protruding lewdly from above his underwear. With his pants still mostly on, still wearing his polished white shoes, he looked debauched, as though he’d been caught unawares hard at work and enticed into forbidden play.

He met Cary’s eyes once more and could see the effort it was taking Cary to hold himself there, exposed to view without the reassurance of touch. Owen suddenly had no wont to prolong the foreplay any longer.

He hit his knees then took Cary’s cock deep.

A strangled cry was his reward, enticing him to use his tongue to wet the hard length then slide down. He repeated the action, gliding with firm pressure downwards and adding suction on the way back up to the head, gradually taking Cary most of the way down to the base.

With Cary’s balls hiked up as they were, Owen could feel the hot skin of his lover’s sac on his bottom lip at the furthest point. On the next pass downwards, he opened his mouth a bit and was able to stroke his tongue across the taut skin, feeling the closest orb shift with the pressure.

“Ah! Oh fuck, Owen.”

Tasting a bit of saltiness on the way up, Owen grinned around his mouthful and looked up from under his lashes. Cary was behaving himself and letting Owen take the lead. Time for a change of scenery, though. He pulled off with a smack of his lips.

“Please tell me you brought supplies.”

“In our kits,” Cary panted.

Owen rose to his feet and pulled Cary in for a slow, involved kiss that sent an emotional wave of warmth through him. In the room they shared at the Academy, Owen rarely felt comfortable enough to take his time with simple affectionate caresses. Mostly, their physical contact had been hurried and silent, the sole purpose being coming to completion without being caught.

“Why don’t you grab the stuff and get out of that uniform?” He gave in to impulse and cupped Cary’s cheek, pulling him back in for another kiss as Cary began to move away to follow his suggestion. He didn’t want to be apart from him for a moment…

The realisation hit him like a ton of bricks, and he abruptly dropped his hand and span around to hide what had to be a shell-shocked expression. Maybe it was the emotional culmination of their schooling at the ceremony today. Maybe it was the knowledge that their separation was looming. But when he looked at Cary, when he touched him, he was finding it hard—no, impossible—to keep from turning what should be companionable sex into lovemaking.

Love…?

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The His Hero antho is now available at Total-E-Bound! Six stories about men on men in uniform...military, fire fighters, police and paramedics... Go HERE for more excerpts and information.

And I’d love to give away a copy to one commenter! So let me know your thoughts on my one-liners or just say hi, and Gabrielle will enter you to win His Hero. J

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Comment below (and please remember your contact info) to win an ebook copy of the His Hero Anthology!

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